If Fatboy Slim hadn’t already cornered the market on stoopid beats and funky samples, Sgt. Rock might be sitting on a commercial goldmine, but, as it turns out, he’s about two years too late. This type of techno party jam funk had long since lost its appeal by the time that “skankin’” Nike ad had aired for the millionth time. I understand the theory of repetition in music- make it sink in so that it’s remembered easily- but Sgt. Rock rides the same lame-ass beats and samples until you’re willing to do anything to make it all stop. Remember what commercial techno sounded like in the late eighties/early nineties? Divas moaning over thin, forgettable keyboard samples and cheesy beats? Evidently, Sgt. Rock has a soft spot for C&C Music Factory and Technotronic.

There is no question that Sgt. Rock designed his music for a party atmosphere, but his blatant plea for acceptance from the suits who decide which songs go on the next teen flick soundtrack is almost sad. He makes Fatboy Slim look like an underground God. “Rock The Biscuit” is a prime example of pointless indulgence. It’s so calculatedly light-hearted and “fun” that it’s the musical equivalent of sucking on a bottle of syrup. I could almost even live with the “dope” song titles like “Yeah Word Party” and Deeper ‘N’ Deffer” if the music didn’t sound like pale, watered down Parliament Funkadelic through the eyes of a very white DJ.