So, the Gene Simmons sex video is everywhere by now, and if you haven’t seen it, I recommend avoiding it, as you will never be able to unsee it. Sort of a day ruin-er. I guess when you’re famous and women shamelessly throw themselves at you, you don’t really have to work on your technique. Needless to say, it’s pretty sad. Ole Gene is not exactly looking like a self-proclaimed Rock God with his frumpy gut and freaky, glued-on hair. The plastic-boobed energy drink spokeswoman/slut (who left her flip-flops on, by the way) that he’s “seducing” looks less than enthusiastic, even going so far as to turn her head away when Gene sticks his Frankenhead near her face to try to kiss her. On the funny side, the tune Gene picked out to play during his conquest is Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love Is.” Really, Gene? A cheesy ’80’s ballad? The Kiss bassist has already issued a statement regarding the leak:

“Hi everyone. You may have heard or seen garbage that has sprung up from my past. Rest assured the proper legal team is looking at all ramifications and options.”

So, what does his girlfriend of two decades and the mother of his two teenage children think? Well, Gene says, “And us? Shannon, Nick and Soph are happy and healthy. All is well.” Obviously.